In My Cast

March 13, 2012.

I was trying my best. I put in every ounce of effort I had in my body for you, because I knew that out of everyone you would be the one that would be worth it. But the sad truth is that in the end I am who I am and my past happened, and there is no changing that. Frustrations cause tension, as you and I both know I am making things difficult. I cause pain. I cause anger. I cause tension. I cause you to put on a smile and a sweet tone because you care about me while all the while you simply want to lay it out, how you are feeling it… and I know that, that conversation would not come out pleasantly. So I say to you, nay I question you… am I worth it to you? If there is any hesitation at all I would advise you to take what ya got but to walk away, to leave me now before you get too attached.

It’s funny how different a person can become with one experience, with one break, with one goodbye. It’s astounding how wrecked a person can become and it’s even more astounding how that person can pull through stronger than before, just like a broken bone that heals stronger after it breaks. But there is always a handprint there. Always and forever a print preserved in memories and stories, but most importantly lessons. Now, I am left opposite of my past, not a good thing or a bad thing… just different. I am learning to accept these changes, to intertwine them and turn them all into an even stronger me… but one that allows her to feel as well.Handing over your heart is not easy when you worked so hard to heal it. I’m trying; I will keep trying to be braver and to be stronger. I have been broken and here is me healing to be stronger than I ever have, looks like I might need some more time in my cast though.

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