Not Okay

August 24, 2012

Everything does not have to be okay all the time. It is okay to be not okay. Sometimes, it is okay to cry over something that hurts. It’s okay to admit that something hurts. It’s okay to not have everything pulled perfectly together all the time. It’s okay to be confused and back and forth and happy and sad at the same time because sometimes… that’s just how emotions work.  

We can’t always comprehend why exactly we feel a certain way about a situation or a person, but we just feel that way and that… is okay. It’s hard to come to terms with, feeling not okay. It is hard to understand that right now in this moment I am not okay.

So often it is easy to say I will be okay. But it is so hard to admit that in this moment I’m not. It sucks sometimes, it plain old sucks to not be 100% in control of everything that I’m feeling. Because if I was, I would not feel sad, sad would not exist. Not okay, would not exist. But it does, and everyone, everyone is not okay every now and then.

But I’m so used to reciting the same old script, the same old I will be okay script. I’m not as familiar with the not okay one, because some how somewhere it seems wrong to me, to be not okay. But it’s not, it’s not wrong! It’s human! It is 100% human to not be okay. To not be okay for obvious reasons, to not be okay for no reason, to not be okay for reasons maybe only I understand… But it is okay.

The sad has to happen before the happy. The not okay has to happen before the okay. Here is me saying I will be okay. Here is me admitting, right now, I am not okay. 

1 comment

  1. probably one of my top three favorite writings of yours. this was like the most honest and therefore free-flowing thing. I LOVED this.