Stuck in Obscurity

September 16, 2012

I am an extremely confident person. If you have chosen to peruse any of my blog posts or by chance met me in person, you would understand that. I am bold, focused, honest, and concentrated on what I want and how to get it. Sounds slightly selfish now that I put it into words, but hopefully you understand. I don’t doubt myself all that often. I know what I’m good at, and I know what I’m bad at.

But as of late it seems as if the bad is outweighing the good. I am good, but not good enough. I am talented, but not talented enough. I am better than average, but less than outstanding and the middle ground I seem to be in is extremely contradictory.

It gives me just a slight taste of victory and recognition, but then yanks it away to make room for those outstandings. It’s like all of those standardized tests the kids have to take in high school; there are those select few who get commended on everything and there I am getting commended on everything, but one. I only passed that test. That seems to be my career. A giant joke of a high school standardized test that tricks me into thinking I got all commended on my tests and will receive that social recognition of being an elite, only to be struck down but that dumb little letter P indicating I only passed and was not commended. I was down with those kids; the better than average, but less than outstanding.

It seems apparent now that no matter the amount of work I put in or the time I spend perfecting my craft I will always be stuck in obscurity.

Hopefully by tomorrow this lack of confidence will reinvent itself into kicking ass and taking names. 

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