The Written Word

I keep finding myself constantly dreading what tomorrow brings. Rarely do I wake up thinking "Good morning sunshine! The earth says hello." Normally it ends up taking on a clearly stated "fuck you alarm" or "why is the coffee always gone?"

I shouldn't be surprised, I mean college isn't exactly a cozy hibernation. But sleepless nights lead to grumpy days and grumpy days lead to stress out the wazzoo. What ever happened to all those adults telling us that college is gonna be the time of our lives and college is the funest! Nothing beats college! If I could go back to a time, I would go back to college. 

So you would go back to a time during which you never slept and lived in a constant panic of forgetting homework and failing a test? Wow, sounds like a real fiesta to me grandpa. 

I mean, every day I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. I wonder if all of this stress and worry and sleepless nights is really worth it? I wonder if I have chosen the right career path. All I have is a basic knowledge of social media sites, how Microsoft office works and a pathetic diary-like blog searching for a place in this world. How is that supposed to land me a career and a status in this universe, where no matter how big the action, it is still so small. Unless, of course, you are Justin Beiber. Strum a guitar and you practically have people bowing at your feet. 

So where is the end? When do I find out that I have been doing the right thing this whole time.... or been doing the wrong thing. Maybe I'll never know. I could be on my death bed thinking, man I really should have majored in something beautifully pointless like English! Hopefully not, that would be a pretty pathetic death. I would prefer something more showy. 

But it doesn't matter how many smiles I try to force throughout the day, my nights always tell me the truth. That I am running a marathon with no end in sight, and am painfully taking each and every step as if I was stepping on a needle. 

I wonder when the satisfaction hits? Graduation? First job? First promotion? When will I finally get that closure? Maybe never. Maybe on that afore mentioned death bed. 

But I suppose there must be a ray of sunlight in every situation right? With each and every treacherous day I choose to tough it through, I find the confidence to believe that my writing is what will bring me happiness. Not a career in PR or a knowledge of coding, but rather my name attached to pages and pages and pages of worded art. 

These tough days remind me that even though things may be catching on fire around me, I still have the love of my life. 

The written word. 

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