Between a rock and a hard place

More often than not, I feel as if I am caught between a rock and a hard place having to choose between being the person who I should and am supposed to be or being the person I am. 

It's more than the typical back and forth of figuring out who you are as a teen or as a young adult. It's about knowing who you are 100 percent, but coming across situations in which you have to choose between staying true to yourself or seizing a big opportunity; even though it would force you to abandon those traits that make you unique and special. 

How do you choose between covering up parts of you and furthering your career or staying true to yourself, but maybe falling behind. The answer should seem obvious to any passerby, but when you are put in the position to make a decision between which path you are to take, it becomes quite difficult and lines all the sudden start to blur, when they once seemed so crystal clear. 

But I've always had respect for those people who achieve their goals and dreams and find happiness while not wavering from who they are as a person, but embracing who they are. And sometimes that becomes difficult.

Success, or the need for success, becomes an addiction. And everything you can do to fulfill those uncontrollable needs, you simply do. 

It's becoming an obsession for me. The fear of not being successful has crushed me and turned me into an addict. All I can think about is how I'm going to make it. How I'm going to make my name known. How I'm going to achieve that level of recognition. How I'm going to prove myself to the world. How I'm going to gain respect. 

But I think the real truth in the matter, is that success comes from being genuine and from doing what you love. Not from loving the idea of being successful. 

I want to be that person who loves what they do so much, that nothing else matters. The fame, the recognition, the respect; I want none of that to matter because I will be doing what I love. 

And so here, I'm at the fork in the road. Do I choose between abandoning myself to have that success, or staying true to myself and living in complete bliss knowing that every day I wake up and do what I love, simply because I love it?

This is one of thsoe growing up lessons that you never expected to cross. But the thing is, I don't think it ever goes away. We are all on a constant mission to find happiness. Do we do that through being successful, or do we do that from doing what we absolutely love?

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