Just say yes

If you didn't already know, I watch an awful lot of YouTube. There are a few channels I follow and watch on a consistent basis, most of which are beauty channels and of course Jenna Marbles.

One of my favorites recently posted a video outside of her ordinary lipstick and eyeshadow preferences. She shared her story of struggling with anxiety and panic attacks. Her anxiety got to the point that she hardly ever left her house, let alone go out with her friends and family. One day it hit her that she couldn't continue living the life of a shut in, and decided that instead of letting her anxiety control her life, she would start saying yes to more things. She would say yes to going shopping with her friends. She would say yes to going to concerts with her brother. Even though she might have been anxious about doing these things, she did them regardless because she knew she needed to live her life the way she wanted to and the not the way the anxiety wanted her to.

I've never struggled with massive periods of anxiety in my life. I become stressed quite easily, but I never suffered from anxiety, that is up until my freshman year of college.

So many people don't realize how difficult of a shift it is from going to high school and living at your parents' house surrounded by your friends and everything you know... to college. And for me it was exceptionally difficult. I was dealing with family problems, boy problem and health problems all while trying to keep good grades and make friends. I slept so little and was much too stressed that it made my health problems even worse. I couldn't eat anything without getting sick and aside from going to class I didn't want to do anything. This was such a change for me considering I normally go a thousand miles an hour and talk to every person I run into. I would go to class, do homework and sit there. And I would hardly speak to anyone in the process. I began to have terrible nightmares on top of everything else. I woke up one morning in tears and thought: this is just ridiculous.

By nature I am not an anxious person, but I had turned myself into one throughout that semester. By the end of first semester I had very few new friends and very few old ones. I stopped talking to people. I stopped going out with them. I stopped wanting to be involved in their lives because all I wanted to do was hide under my covers.

That winter break was a changing point for me. I wasn't going to drop out of school because my future was way too important to me to risk losing it. But at the same time I wasn't going to learn anything or enjoy college if I kept myself shut in a tiny dusty dorm room all day.

I decided enough was enough. I was going to do something about it. I was going to make myself happy again. I started saying yes to things. Little things at first like going to the movies with friends or taking a Saturday and going to the mall. And then I started to say yes to other things like relationships and jobs. Throughout that semester and the summer to follow, I transformed the way I looked at the world. I began to wake up smiling again and I started to walk with a bounce in my step again.

It wasn't easy for me. I had to step out of my comfort zone and talk to people and do things with people I never really had to work at doing before. But the important thing, is that I began to say yes. I wouldn't think oh well maybe I should just stay at home, what if something at home comes up that I need to be here for. Or oh I have a slight tummy ache, better stay at home. Oh I have homework due in a week I have to get it done tonight! Nope, not anymore. 

Over a year has passed since that time and nearly everything has changed. And though it will forever be a learning process of how and when to say yes, I am 100 times happier now than when I said no. I said yes and here I am with the best friends in the world, a job that I am so blessed to have and a little thing I like to call a blog that lets me rant about things <3

It was the start of a new me that didn't just dream about writing a book or becoming Super Woman, but that is actually going to do it.

I just have to say yes.

Post a Comment