Lessons on Starbucks napkins

My life has been a bit of a haze the past few months. I fell in love with a wonderful man and my best friend, I finished my junior year of college, I said goodbye to my two best friends as they went off to NYC for their summer internships, I started my own internship and I learned that my dad got a new job after not having one for quite sometime. The only downside is that the new job is about 600 miles away. So I've been helping my parents pack up the house and mentally prepare for my parents and my little sister to move to Kansas. Oh joy.

My mom requested that I go through some of the old boxes that I've been storing in her attack in order to get rid of as much as possible. After throwing away trash bags full of old junk. I was left with two boxes of my childhood with things from my gown and cap from high school graduation to letters and gifts I was given at my birth.

Amidst my cleaning, I found some old goodies of the last remaining years of high school and the beginning of college. The time where I had the best friends I could ask for and life felt pretty carefree. Or as carefree as they really could be for us. We were all going through an awful lot, but we had each other. And when I say we had each other, I mean we leaned on each other as if the others were our life support. Because... they really were.

I found photos of the adventures we took and the sayings we consistently scribbled on Starbucks napkins to remind ourselves to stay positive. We did a lot of coloring and painting, so I definitely found some old cardboard with pictures etched into it with pen. It all brought me back to the days when not everything felt so complicated. In actuality it might have been more complicated then than life is now, but I had those people. My friends, my life support making each and every day that much brighter allowing me to show a smile and keep hope that one day things may not be as complicated.

Sometimes, days like today, make me miss those days. I miss the idea of being younger and seeing having an unconditional hope. Somewhere through the fight and the rubble I lost that unconditional hope to a certain extent. And I want that back. Because day like today make me angry at myself for letting the world make me bitter.

Being bitter to me feels like giving up and letting all of the evil and negativity win. And I don't want it to win. I want my hope and happiness to win. So even in the midst of all of this nerve wracking change, I want to see the hope. I want to see past the frustration and nervousness and sadness I may occasionally feel, to see the hope of the future, and what could come of it.

My best friend and I once drew this on a Starbucks napkin (on of my finds from today) Event, then knowledge then moving on and never going back. That's what I want to embody and follow and trust in. As silly as it may seems, I'm going to trust in that little Starbucks napkin. I'm never going to go back. I'm going to move on and not let the evil in the world break me down.