2014 - 2015

The passage of time is so relative and idealistic that the idea of a specific date having a significant meaning is a bit weird if you think about it. But every year the first of January comes around and without fail I take stock of everything that happen in the past year. And while it's only the changing of a second that it goes from being one entire year to another, it does feel significant. Now to get a little bit emotional...

2014 was a difficult year for me. Probably one of the most difficult years of my life so far. I started and ended the year not as a different person, but a changed person that's for sure. I struggled with a lot of painful things this year, things that I never thought I would have to go through. And they really challenged my strength and my character. While I never wish to experience those things ever again, they did teach me a lot and for that I have to be thankful. They taught me a lot about the importance of honesty, the power of love and necessary self respect and confidence. I'm still learning from everything that happened and still trying to process and understand the painful experiences, but I already feel them making me a stronger woman. 

One important thing that I've grown to learn is that I need to decide how I want to be treated, and while that concept is so simple when you lay it out, it has a large effect. In the past when I really valued someone I let them treat me how they wanted to treat me even if I believed that way was wrong. Even if I believed I deserved better or more I wouldn't change anything and I would allow people all the time, to treat me awfully. And that definitely takes a toll on how you view yourself and it can really break down a person. It definitely broke me down to the point of having physical ramifications of my internal pain. It was hell. So, I decided that I would no longer allow people to treat me in a way I didn't deem right. It's so simple, but for some reason it took me a long time to figure that it's necessary. And I really had to build up the self confidence to stand up to someone. But once I started doing that I regained a lot of that self respect back that I lost in those broken days. In 2015 I want that to be a personal trend of mine: self respect and dictating how I want to be treated by people. I think I will be much happier this way and I won't get broken so easily. 

In 2015 I will graduate college, get a full-time job, travel a lot, move to a new city and whatever else decides to come my way. I want to be strong and ready for it all. The healing process isn't easy, but it's totally worth it. 2015 will be full of all sorts of adventures and excitement and I'm so ready for it all. I may be a little bit nervous as well, but definitely ready. 2014 and the people in it taught me a lot, and no doubt 2015 will as well. Cheers to the new year my dears.